My V Does Not define me: Silencing The Sh*tty Committee

Hey, Welcome Back!

I am so glad that you are here for the 10th episode in the Girl Out of Order podcast. I am so freaking excited to be recording my 10th episode. And there's a number of reasons why. Let me tell you, I started this podcast on April 1 of 2021. And I had huge plans and dreams, I was going to be consistent, I was going to be a podcaster. And I'm still a podcaster. But it hasn't been easy.

I want this 10th episode to be an encouragement to any woman out there who is even contemplating starting a podcast because you know what? I just haven't given up. And I don't intend to give up even on those days when I'm so down on myself. And I feel discouraged because well, I started it so long ago when I was going to be consistent, and I didn't do it. But you know what, I'm still here.

I know that I have a message on my heart for women that simply must be shared. This is my purpose. My purpose is to share my mess, which has become my message so that I can be an encouragement to other women who are like-minded and need to know that they are amazing, and beautiful and unlimited, just as they are when not fitting in is the perfect fit. That is the message of the Girl Out of Order podcast. It's a little bit quippy. But the truth is there. The truth is, you are designed uniquely as you are, and you are not broken, you're not wrong, you are not too much, you are just enough. Just like Goldilocks, you are perfect, okay, you have the perfect amount of who you are, what you are, and what you need.

The goal is to unleash that potential girl.

And I hope to be a living example of just continuing to put one foot in front of the other “silence this shitty committee” and not allow myself to believe the old lie that I will never follow through because you know what? It's going to be a battle for me.

And I'm sure that you might have some messages inside you that fight against you unleashing your potential and running heart after your dreams. So let it be said here today on this 10th episode and the Girl Out of Order podcast that you simply can't give up.

If you don't give up. You are not a failure, or you're not a failure anyway, let's be honest, that's just not a word we're going to use. But if you don't give up if you keep running hard after your dreams, even if it doesn't look like somebody else's path, even if it doesn't look like the path you thought it was gonna look like. Even if it doesn't look like the path you told others you had follow.

It's your dream. It's your mission. It's your purpose. And if you continue on that path, you are killing it. Yes, I said it, you are killing it. And so am I dammit. I'm here for the 10th episode and the Girl-Out-Order podcast. And I'm thrilled that you have joined me. Last time we were here, we talked about silencing the shitty committee stopping those voices in our head that tell us lies that limit our potential. And that bring us down, keep us depressed, and make us want to hide from our dreams from others and even from ourselves.

So how have you been doing with implementing what we call the work but I didn't call it the work. What Byron Katie calls the work. Did you get the book? Did you download the free worksheets? Remember, Byron Katie has an a website called thework.com. And you can download free worksheets that are readily available to help you start implementing those four questions. Let's review very briefly. When you have a message in your head, that message from that “shitty committee”, and it says, “You don't know. You're so stupid. How could you? How could you forget about that appointment?”

Okay, that's real life example because well, you know, it happens, right? So I'm going to use a real life example that I went through. We had to fight through just relentless tears, a lot of snot. It wasn't pretty, it's an ugly, ugly cry. I had to fight through that and implement the work to get on the other side of that “shitty committee” that was sucking me under and robbing me of oxygen in my very being.

I mean, I'm being dramatic, but it was pretty, pretty crappy. Okay. So we have my husband's best friend is living with us for a couple of weeks while he transitions out to Colorado. And I thought he and my husband had left and gone and done some errands and so when I went to back out of the driveway, I was kind of in a little bit of a tiff with my youngest child, and I was really emotional and I was just pissed off. Okay, let's be so just pissed off. I was really mad. I had to go somewhere. And I put the car in reverse, and I just backed up.

Yeah, I'm so so careful when I back out of my driveway for a million different reasons. But I didn't even look. I have a frickin backup camera. I mean, come freakin on. And I slammed into my husband’s friend’s car. And I smashed his bumper and his light. And I lost my living shit. I mean, I'm so thankful my daughter didn't use her cell phone and videotape that because they would have been horrifying. I'm stomping up and down. I'm saying all kinds of words. It was awful. And the things I was feeling, “You're so stupid. You're so stupid. You're so stupid.”

I mean, oh my gosh, my poor daughter. My poor precious 15 year old daughter had to listen to her mom lose her shit and do the complete opposite of everything I've been trying to teach. And I came unglued, cried all night. And even though my husband was so gracious, he is one of the most grace-filled men I've ever met. He knew that I was going to do a bang up job. Ha, you see what I did there, bang up job. He knew I was gonna do a bang up job beating myself up. But even if he didn't know that he wouldn't beat me up.

And I just I was just so down. I just really let it seep into my soul. And then my husband's best friend was just precious and kind. And, you know, we call it accidents for a reason. So why did I allow that message to just, like, overflow me? Well, I did. And so I realized once I kind of started to come out of the tailspin that I needed to seriously do some work. And I asked myself, is it true? Is it true that I'm stupid? I'm fucking brilliant, okay, I'm smart, I'm savvy. And normally, am extraordinarily careful when I back out on my driveway. It's an accident, that why they call it an accident. So it wasn't reckless. I thought they'd both left, saw no reason to look up, which obviously, cause an accident.

So the second question, even if I said, yeah, it was kind of a stupid thing to do, even if I like tried to get around it. I can't absolutely know it's true that I'm stupid, because obviously I'm not.

But then I got to number three, and it's how do you question number three? How do you feel when you believe that lie? And oh, I was like, “Oh, my goodness, I can't breathe”. My eyes are swollen, I feel like just the most horrible feelings about myself have dredged up all kinds of things. I think even from my past, even from my childhood, ways that I felt like a failure. It was it was a lot. It was kind of a whirlwind.

And then I got to number four, which is where we do the turnaround. And I said, How would you feel if you didn't believe that lie, and I was like, “Oh, my gosh, I'd be at peace, I would put my head down, I would call the insurance company, I would handle it”. Because that's why we have insurance, right? And I would teach my daughter that when you make mistakes, you don't need to act like a damn fool.

When you make mistakes, you receive the grace that you have around you and you give that grace to yourself like you would give to somebody else. I could have had an opportunity at a moment to tell my daughters that when you find when you're looking for a partner to marry, you marry somebody who shows you grace, when you feel like you have failed.

I missed those opportunities in the moment. But I didn't stay there. So anyway, that's my world. Why real world example of not really employing the work at first, but when I did I it really set me free ladies. It really helped that humiliation and frustration. It just melted away. It wasn't perfect. Obviously I don't want to fall. But once I was able to do that, I circled back around with my daughters. And I was able to tell them what was happening and how I was able to address it.

I know we went on a little bit about that example, but I'm really hoping that you all had a chance to inquire. I love that Byron Katie, Katie calls that inquiry I'm hoping that you had a chance to inquire to engage in those thoughts that come in that caused those emotions that are not always healthy and can be extremely disempowering. Even though I'm in this doing the work with you, man, I had a moment where I mean, I wish I could get that opportunity back to not act like that.

But it was a great opportunity for me to then teach my daughters, how to better handle it, when you make a mistake, or when you're allowing yourself to believe things that are just lies from the pit of hell. And that is what the shitty committee is. So how are you doing? Did you employ any of those lessons about silencing this shitty committee? Did you share the podcast with your girlfriends? That might need to hear it? Did you share it with anybody? If not, please do so.

I have had amazing feedback from this episode from women at all different kinds of life stages and relationship stages saying, “Man, I just really needed to hear that”. Change your language, change your life, your quality of your life is determined by the quality of your language. So how's the work working for you? If it's not working, start working it, okay?

And if you don't know what I'm talking about, go back to episode eight. And please listen well.

But it's actually the ninth I’ve got to work on, I gotta figure out how to do all that I'm still new to with this whole thing. It says number eight, but it's actually the ninth episode, go figure, go back, listen to silencing the shitty committee, because I truly believe there are tools in there that are going to be phenomenal for changing your language and changing your life.

Okay, next. So freaking excited. I have started the first ever Facebook community for the Girl Out of Order podcast. I've never done this before. So if you've joined my podcast community, and you haven't seen a lot going on in there yet, please don't give up on me. I'm really new at this. I'm still trying to figure out the mechanics and how to facilitate all that what kind of content to put in there. So please stick with me.

I promise you this community is going to be vibrant. We're going to have so many great conversations. And as I get used to this and implemented into my daily routine, I believe that this community is going to be a wonderful resource for connecting women for inspiring one another for sharing stories and for seeking help.

Because you know what? we don't have to do this alone. We don't want to do this alone.

And I promise you, we are stronger together. So as we sit here today, I have over 78 members that have already joined the Girl Out of Order podcast Facebook community. I cannot believe it. I am so blessed. And I am so humbled. And I promise you stick with me, because we are going to have some amazing resources showing up in just the next two weeks.

I've got some great plans. If you're not in the community, please join the community. It's right out there and you just asked to request to join and the answer is going to be a hell yes. So come join us in the podcast community and let's start. Let's start connecting, let's start building on the messages that are coming through the podcast and sharing our life experiences. All right?

Okay, now it's time for our weekly empowerment. This week our empowerment comes from one of the most extraordinary vivacious women I have ever had the privilege of learning from. If you don't know who Siri Lindley is, you need to know her. Siri is just an extraordinary life force. And she is somebody that everybody should know, connect with, learn from and study, because she is a living example of the work. She is a living example of not having or totally silencing the shitty committee, and she's a beautiful soul and that woman can dance. She's one of my heroes right now. She doesn't know it yet. But she will. I'm planning on writing her a letter this week, to tell her what her life example has meant to me. She has a simplest quote. She says “Change the way you look at things and the things that you look at will change.”

Think about that.

“Change the way you look at things. And the things that you look at will change.”

Siri Lindley, those are power words and they are a perfect set of words. It's for our next episode. And guess what? I said it was going to be on “Women in the Workplace”, and it kind of is.

But as I started working on this episode and asking God for just some inspiration and some insight, I decided to call it “Women on a Mission”. And there's a number of reasons why. But I wanted to take the time to really explain what I mean by “Women on a Mission” versus “Women in the Workplace”.

I have had the privilege in my life, to be in the workplace and out in the marketplace, I've had the privilege of being a full time stay-at-home mom, for nearly a decade, I've had the privilege of being a part-time working mom of small children. I've had the privilege of being a full-time working mom of smallish children all the way up to teenagers and actually launching them and off to college. And now I am, beyond privileged to do the thing, I'll be doing the rest of my life, which is to be an entrepreneur, I've started my own law firm, I am my own boss, and I'm starting the Girl Out of Order business, which I cannot wait to roll out for you because it's so much bigger than a podcast.

So I feel like I have had such a broad set of experiences of how women show up in their mission. And so I feel like if we call it “Women in the Workplace”, we exclude a lot of women, even if we don't mean to do so. Not only that, but I believe firmly that what you choose to do for your “work or career” should be a mission field. And I'm not talking about the Christian mission field, although that certainly can be one of those things I'm talking about making a difference. To me.

What you do with the majority of your time should be about giving back, giving to others, making your world a better place. Tony Robbins says the secret to living a meaningful life is giving. And that doesn't just mean giving up your resources, although I employ that too. And I believe that that absolutely amplifies our life. But I believe that what you choose to do with the majority of your time, whether you get paid in dollars or not, should be considered your mission.

And the reason I want this particular topic to be in the “My V Does not Define Me” series is because having had this breadth of experiences, I have seen repeatedly, the ways that women have limited themselves, and limited their impact, and limited their financial ability or financial success. And worse. The worst part is I've seen how other women have limited other women. And I want to offer some solutions to that.

Because we got a problem. What is that problem? That problem is that we women, we put ourselves in a box. And we put other women in a box. And that box that we put ourselves in is a box of limitations. I have something I preach to my daughters on the regular is that you must always, always, always take actions. That gives you options. Let me say it again, you must always take actions that give you options.

As a divorce attorney. I see the majority of my clients are women and I see women coming into my office, feeling like they have no options, feeling stuck, feeling trapped, feeling terrified. And frankly, I was one of those women early in my marriage when things weren't going well. And I had chosen to be a stay at home mom, which I would never ever change choose differently. But I remember feeling terrified that I had no options because I “couldn't support my children”. And so I felt stuck, trapped and terrified. My heart for women is twofold.

First, I don't want women to be scared, trapped or terrified. I don't want them to be limited. I don't want them to be in that box so that they cannot have a fulfilling extraordinary life. I mean we live in a time of unparalleled opportunity. I mean, seriously, as much as I hated the COVID experience and seriously hated so much about it, who didn't? I mean, my gosh, what the heck, I have come to understand that there are so many strangely wrapped gifts that came out of what do you call the shutdown. And I live in Illinois, it's a state that was just ridiculously shut down for extraordinarily on necessarily long periods of time.

But in that time, I chose to look around and realize, I'm really good at this stuff, I'm really good at technology. And I've been able to capitalize on those opportunities that came about because of those lock downs because of the technology that was a necessity for us to keep us safe. And then we're not gonna go into the whole COVID thing. But in the middle of COVID, I learned how to do all the things I learned how to record a podcast, I learned how to run trials via Zoom, I learned how to connect with clients, from my home.

And it gave me the courage to launch my law firm in December of 2020. I mean, who freaking launches a solo law practice, in the middle of a pandemic, this girl, and I did it because I created for myself options.

So that's the first pillar. The first pillar is, I want women to understand they have options, so they're not trapped, terrified, stuck, and all the things is that, okay?

The second thing is, I want women to unleash the unique power that lies within female human beings. If you recall, when I started this series, I said what are we going to do and then in the “My V Does not Define Me series”, we're going to stop engaging in our limiting beliefs. And we are going to start expanding our visions for the future. We're going to stop looking around because comparison kills and we are going to start looking within, we are going to stop limiting other women and we're going to start listening. We're going to start learning. And by golly, we're going to start lifting up our sisters. Okay. So what that means is that there are unique contributions, unique struggles, unique approaches, and unique perspectives that female human beings bring to their missions.

I'm a huge fan of Tony Robbins, and I'm a student of his and I listen, and I learned and I take it all in and one of the things that he has said repeatedly, and I really came up during my business mastery convention convention, I mean, whatever the course, the five day immersive craziness that totally changed my life. He interviewed certain female business leaders and I was so blown away by the emphasis on ensuring that if it's your approach, that you do not check your femininity at the door for lack of a better phrase, that the feminine power, the feminine perspective, it's precious and it's important and it must be present in our missions. Okay. Little bit of a rant there.

But I wanted to set the stage for why I believe so passionately that we must figure out what our mission is, we must get clear, and we must begin running hard after it. What are the hindrances to getting clear on our mission? There are a number of hindrances. It could be financial pressures, it could be past relationships, it could be “shitty committee” is ruling the day. It can be a number of different things. However, I have found in my work experience, and in my personal experience of trying to clarify my own mission, and my own passion. That's the number one hindrance for women to really committing to a mission is they just can't get clarity.

They just don't freaking know what they want to do. Sounds dull, but it's really important because clarity is power, and without clarity, you can go nowhere without clarity. You're gonna be like Fred Flintstone spinning his feet, if you will, and the car and going nowhere. Without clarity, you're going to be immersed in discouragement, in financial problems most likely, or at least financial lack. And you're not going to live an extraordinary fulfilling life.

So my primary objective of this session called “Women on a Mission” is to help you get clarity on your damn mission. How do we do that? I'm going to introduce you to what is called the seven levels deep clarity tool. And this seven levels deep exercise is something I learned from Dean Grazi OC. And if you don't know Dean Grazi, OC, again, you need to get to know him and you need to study the seven levels, deep exercise, it is one of the most powerful and insightful tools I have ever employed to get clarity on what you want.

Because it's not just about what you want. It's the why behind the what you want. Okay, what do I mean by that? It's one thing to say I want to lead women around the world into living better lives. My question is, why? Why is that important to you? So the seven levels, deep exercise peels back the proverbial onion behind what you believe you want to do for your mission.

Link to the Seven Levels Deep Clarity Tool

You can print off as many as you want to, because frankly, you can use this for different areas of your life. And I highly encourage you to do so.

So I'm going to offer an example. I'm going to start with “What do you want to do?” And let me back up to when I was preparing to launch my law firm in December of 2020. I mean, in preparing before that, but the question was, what do I want to do? I want to launch my own law firm. Okay, great. That sounds very clear, right? That's a really, really big goal. That's a really big mission. It's daunting, it's terrifying. And if I don't have the proper motivation, then I'm not necessarily going to be able to stick with it.

So then the second question is, why is that important to you? For me, launching my own law firm firm was important to me. Because I need I wanted and I needed autonomy. I needed to be my own boss. Okay, that's number two. Then number three, why is it important to me to be my own boss? Oh, boy, now it's getting real. And I had to ask myself, why is important to me to be my own boss. And it was at that time, because I had children at home, who were suffering under the COVID restrictions. And they needed their mama to be available when they needed her not having to check in with somebody else and get permission and answer to anybody.

So I needed to start wanting to start my own law firm. I wanted and needed autonomy. It was important to me to have that autonomy, because I had daughters suffering under COVID. And they needed me to be available for them without having to check with somebody else. Okay. That's great. Why was that important to me? Well, that was important to me, because my daughters are everything to me. And I wanted to be an example to them, of how to thrive even in uncertain times, such as COVID. Okay, that's number four. Why was it important to me, to be an example, to my hurting daughters of how to thrive during uncertain times, like COVID.

Now I'm getting like kind of emotional and choking up. It was important to me to be an example, to my daughters of how to thrive during uncertain times, because I didn't want my daughters to crumble under the stress and anxiety of the unknown, and I wanted them to see their mother living into her best self as a business woman. Okay.

Why was that important? That was important to me, because I wanted to show my beautiful hurting daughters, that you always have options if you're willing to take a chance on yourself. Sorry, I'm getting emotional. And then number seven, why was that important to me. And that's when it really got real. Because I had to be honest, it was so important to me to show my daughters that you can, you will all you can have options, if you're willing to take a chance on yourself. And by taking a chance on yourself, you can experience the financial success, the mission success, and your life can be more extraordinary than you ever dreamed.

Because you will be more aware of the tangible impact that you are able to make on the lives of the people you choose to help. That's the seven levels deep exercise. And that's just an example. And it's a little bit off the cuff. So bear with me, I really didn't even write that out that just kind of came out. But I'm feeling a little choked up.

I want you to take the time to ask yourself, what is my mission? What do I want to do? And you can start by asking yourself what you want to do and start with one thing and start peeling back those layers? And maybe you get this question for question five, and the what you want to do might change. But until you really sit down, and don't limit it, this is just for you. This isn't for anybody else. I don't care what anybody else thinks. If you could say, in my ideal life, in my ideal mission, this is what I want. I want to be a podcaster. I want to be a speaker. I want to be a CEO. I want to be a pharmacist. I want to be a lawyer. I want to be the best stay-at-home mom I can possibly frickin be. I want to run an online business.I want to be the top Beach Body coach.

I don't care what it is. I don't care. It doesn't matter. We're not here to talk about what you should or shouldn't be doing or equal pay, or no, that's not what this is about. This is about being on a mission. What do you want? What do you want your life to stand for? What do you want? What gives you energy? What gets you out of bed? And you're like, yes, how? Yes, let me add them. I got people to help. I got women to serve, I got a world to make better, we could get immersed in all the shit going on in this world. And feel so down and feel so sad and so hopeless or we could so not do any of that.

Because really, what's wrong is always available. And so is what's right. But what's right for you can only be determined by you. You are your own damn hero. You are your best advocate, and you are a woman on a mission. You just may not know it yet. Or maybe you do know it. But you haven't really delved into the why I promise you the why is the most important part of the mission.

Because when times get tough when you run into roadblocks, when you're exhausted, when you've maybe lost your way a little bit. If you're anchored to your why you're gonna find your way back to your mission. And I want the Girl Out of Order community to do community of women on a mission. I want every kind of mission possible to be represented in this freaking fabulous community. And I want us to share those missions with one another.

I have lived a number of different missions. I'm starting to evolve in my own mission now, not just being a podcaster. But I've starting a course called Demystifying Divorce, bringing clarity from complexity and bringing her on healing from heartbreak. And I'm designing other courses to help women unleash your potential to help women change their language so that they can change your life.

My mission at 51 years old is unfolding and evolving and emerging. And I promise you as God is my witness as this community is my witness until the day I die. I will be running hard after my mission. And I'm sure it will take many iterations over the next however many years God gives me on this planet. I want to bring you all along with me and I want to go along with you. I want to hear what your mission is. So as we wrap up here today, my call to you is to please take the time to download the seven levels deep exercise and do the worksheet.

And if you would be so bold and so willing to be vulnerable, share your seven levels deep exercise with our podcast community on Facebook, take a picture of it, or just share your insights because I'm going to be sharing mine, I'm going to take the time to fill out the seven levels deep worksheet with what I just shared you with you, because I'm really emotional right now. And I want to go journal while I'm in state, and write down how this feels. So I don't forget why I get up every day. And I serve these clients, why I get up every day and I model for my daughter's options, why I get up every day and model for my daughters, exponentially increasing my income by taking a chance on myself. You have a mission. And I know that your mission is going to lead to an extraordinary life. Before you do any of that, make sure you work on your language. Because if you do not have empowering language, you're going to be stuck when you try to figure out your mission. So change your language, change your life, silence your shitty committee and become a woman on the mission. I'm so thankful you join me.

I am. imploring you, please, please, please join the Facebook community. 78 Women strong already and we are just starting. I'm just like, blown away. I've got tears in my eyes. And I'm so excited to start getting in there and providing content and videos and teachings and worksheets.

And I'm asking y'all to take a chance to share your own insights. It just takes one to start. Start the sharing. So we be that one. Please share this podcast with any woman that you know, let's become women on a mission. And no matter what we do, let's make sure we support the missions of other women who may be living differently than us who may be making different choices. Let's lift them up.

Because that Girl Is Out of Order. We are all about building bridges. We are about cultivating bravery. And we're all about inspiring boldness. So let's go build the bridges. Let's be bold, and let's become a community of women on a mission. I'm so glad you joined me for this 10th episode. I can't wait for episode freakin 11.

We are going to get pretty raw here. The next episode is going to be about women's relationship roles. It's going to be a two-parter. And I am going to bring back my amazing daughter Chloe, because she has some great insights about relationship roles in her own relationship. And I asked her if she would be willing to come back on and let me interview her again. And of course she was she loves her mama. So of course she said yes. So join us next time for women. The relationship roles it's going to be huge juicy.

I will see you next time you badass women. I love you so much. Thank you for joining me!